Enjoyment

A few years ago I was talking with Nilofer Merchant about women in tech and the road we still have in front of us to truly be equal. She had just finished her book The Power of Onlyness. I was telling her that I don't think the fight is working. I think making diversity and inclusion joyful is the path to success. Show that the world we want is one in which everyone wins. Do it in a way that brings our allies along vs. shaming them seems like the way to win. Mama always said you attract more flies with honey….. And wisdom from mama applies to the tech world too!

Nilofer lit up. "Yes! We have to define the world we want. Build it. And then make it so awesome everyone wants to join."

Believe me, it is scary to post that. I know that diversity is a complex issue. One that a lot of people, including myself care so deeply about.

I've had men tell me that after I had my baby I'd never be as capable an engineer. Another told me I couldn't have my job back because I'd be postpartum and couldn't be trusted with the responsibilities! I've faced the micro aggressions that happen and the biases that are usually unconscious but there. And I'm one of the lucky ones. I've gotten to work on some of the coolest projects for some of the countries' best companies.

I make no claims of being an expert in DEI. I have managed hundreds of people in my career and I think a lot about how to motivate changes in behaviors of teams and individuals. I can only speak for myself, and I've found when we tackle the hard stuff without fear or shame or blame, people are much more open to the conversation and to seeing a bigger picture.

Last week was another heartbreak in the Waydo house. I came home from work to H running to give me a hug. Those don't happen every day anymore, so I felt special. H excitedly told me that he had been invited to a party. The birthday of one of the kids in his class. We'll call this kid Sam. H was over the moon. It is only the second party that H has been invited to in years because of COVID.

Imagine my surprise when H was sobbing in bed later that night. "Sam told me when he invited me that he only invited me because his mom said he had to and that he hopes I don't go." Sam and H have crossed swords many times this year, so it is not at all surprising that this went down. Heartbreaking none the less. H and I talked a lot about how that felt, and what he wanted to do.

The next morning, H came up for breakfast and announced that he didn't want to go and that he'd like to have a new friend from another school over. When I asked what made H choose that he said, "I just want to be joyful. Having [new friend] over will be so much fun, mom." No fight. No victim. Just cleanly knowing what would be the most fun and doing that.

Many years ago now, I was working at a tiny startup running engineering. I had been chief engineer at both of my previous roles and was enjoying my career trajectory. But, I was not enjoying this job. My friend Chris had just gone to work at GoogleX and I had lunch with him.

Me: How is it? Chris: You know the movie Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? GoogleX is like that…. Only the nerd version!

Damn. That sounds incredible. That night I searched the job postings for GoogleX. I found one posting for a test engineering lead. A few days later I was interviewing for the self driving car team. The job they offered was a mid level test engineering position. On paper a huge step back for me and my career. But the people, the mission, the culture all just seemed like fun. I didn't even hesitate. Hell yes.

For years at Google Self Driving Car, I didn't worry about my career. I only worried about doing what I enjoyed. A year or so in, I had moved in to a role where I was the lead systems engineer for the new Firefly vehicle we were building. I loved the job, but hated the travel. I had a baby at home and was weekly traveling to Detroit. I went to my boss and told him I couldn't do the travel anymore and was thinking about leaving the team. He offered a solution I hadn't even thought of. He asked me to take on his role since he was being promoted. He smiled kindly and said, "I think you'll be great at managing the team." Wow. Hell yes.

For me, the lesson is that when I focus on what I will enjoy, the other things like title, money, and responsibility all follow because if I enjoy what I do, the work I do is great.

How do you pursue enjoyment?

xo – J